SideStreet Wisdom

This Site Has Moved! 0

In order to have more pages, I’ve moved to a new site: sallyjoy.com

Check it out!

Some Things Never Change 0

I have two of my fourteen grandchildren with me this afternoon and as they were happily playing in our hot tub out in the back yard, it occurred to me that although a lot has changed since I was a little girl growing up in the midwest, there are a great many things that remain exactly the same. Children still love to be wet whether it’s running in the rain, swimming in an Olympic size pool or running through the sprinkler. Put a puddle and a child together and the child will get wet. There’s just something about jumping in water, splashing your sister and dunking your head that makes you happy. When I was a kid I went swimming almost every day and I’m sure my kids remember with a twinge of nostalgia all the afternoons they spent at the pool. Even though they went swimming three or four times a week, when we traveled and stayed in a hotel, it had to have a pool. It was just a great way for them to wind down at the end of the day.

Watching them led me to contemplate the many other things that haven’t changed. These things have been true for centuries, they are still true today and they will continue to be true until the Lord returns. They are not geographically or culturally challenged in any way. So, not in any particular order, here’s my list:

1. Married men prefer coming home after work to the sounds and smells of supper cooking. Women’s roles have changed but men have not.

2. Babies gravitate to their mothers when they are hungry, tired, hurt or scared. Mothering has changed but babies don’t know that. Newborns have the same requirements they had when Cain and Abel were born: they need to be kept warm, fed, loved, protected and touched in order to thrive. So whether you are living in a tent or a high rise in New York City, your baby needs his mother.

3. Statements like “that’s not fair!” and “I didn’t do it!” are standard in all American homes with kids. Siblings fight with each other over the most ridiculous things like “you touched me” or “Mom, he’s looking at me!” Put two boys together and the fighting always gets physical.

4. Men are in awe of a beautiful woman, even if she doesn’t have the brain power of a flea.

5. Sex sells just about anything. And for most men, it also cures just about anything.

6. Moms with married sons love to hear from them. They like talking to their daughters-in-law but getting a call from their son makes their day. I call my Mom all the time and I know she enjoys hearing from me but you can tell by the tone of her voice how thrilled she is when one of my brothers calls her, and if they stop by she’s almost ecstatic.

7. Forbidden or unaffordable items and activities are more attractive than the things we already own or are already doing.

8. Children crave their parents’ affection and approval. Whether you are 20 or 65, you love hearing words of affirmation from your parents and it’s very difficult to move ahead when you sense disapproval from them, no matter how unreasonable they might be.

9. A national disaster brings out the best and worst in people.

10. Leave a toddler to his own devices and he will end up playing in the toilet.

I could go on but you get my point. The world has become a crazy, chaotic place but, thank God, there are still concepts we can count on. Some things never change.

Other People’s Kids 0

We just finished Vacation Bible School last night. This year my worst fears came upon me - I said I would do anything that needed to be done and they put me with the 3, 4 and 5 year olds. And, as often happens when I’m in a group of little people, I am disheartened to see how undisciplined some of them are. Of course, we resorted to avoidance, the same poor technique I’m convinced their parents use. You know how it works - you don’t give them any clear direction or force them to do what the rest of the group is doing because you can see a temper tantrum brewing as you speak. You just grit your teeth and hope they will at least stay in the room until the session is over. That’s the kind of prison many parents have put themselves in and I cannot imagine why they don’t do something about it. At this age it’s easier to establish boundaries and take control than it is to deal with a whiny, discontent, rebellious child day after day after day.

I don’t want to give the impression that my children were perfect or that I wrote the book on child training. But I can honestly say that I had a pretty good sense of what was acceptable (in our home, anything that seriously annoyed me had to stop) and could think of some pretty creative ways to impose my will on the matter.

There was one time, however, when I got a brief glimpse of what being out of control felt like. We had just moved to a sleepy little midwestern town to take our first chrch. We were, of course, anxious to impress our small congregation so when we were invited to one of the deacon’s homes for supper we sat our two small children down for a little chat about what we expected from them that evening. Our oldest was five and his little sister was three. All prepared for angelic behavior, we were aghast at what happened once we got to our host’s home.

To say the children were naughty would be an understatment. They whined, they wiggled, they fought with each other. They interrupted, they erupted into uncontrollable giggles. They spit, they wrestled, they knocked things over. There were so loud we couldn’t carry on a conversation. They were our worst nightmare as parents, let alone as pastor and wife, perched on that precarious golden pedestal in a very small town. I threatened, I took them in the other room and lectured, I swatted. To no avail.

And then the big guns came out - my husband threated, he took them in the other room and lectured, he spanked. They had to know we were serious at that point because while my husband did sometimes get involved with disciplining the kids, most of the time he was Mr. Fun and he definitely only spanked on monumental occasions. Were they awed? Not a bit.

I am loathe to admit this but we finally resorted to bribery. And when that didn’t work, utterly humiliated, we said good night early and went home, something we had seen other parents do and had vowed, even bragged, we would never do. I was positively mortified and determined to myself that never again would I have to endure such an evening.

What is important in this story (which is all true) is that I recognized they were out of control. And that’s what’s wrong in our society today - parents have bought the lie that little children cannot be controlled - you have to just hold on for dear life until they grow up and then, magically, they will turn into wonderful people. They don’t seem to know and are unwilling to find out what to do about it - and, frankly, what’s even worse, they don’t have te courage to fix it.

Let me tell you who gets hurt in this: THE CHILD. Nobody likes an undisciplined child. The parents themselves don’t like him. And, what is most sad, the child doesn’t like himself.

Children are by virtue of their sin nature whiney, discontent, easily distracted and unable to control their impulses. To expect them to act properly without any training is to believe in the tooth fairy. One of the primary responsibilities of a parent is to give their child direction and guidance. They are not to be left on their own to discern between good and bad behavior.

Avoiding, bribing, cajoling and coaxing your child to do the right thing is ineffective because they are children - they don’t know what the right thing is. That’s why they have parents!

Einstein 0

I’ve watched two good movies lately. The first one, “The Dreamer” is about a young family and a race horse. Kurt Russell plays one of the lead parts and I’ve always liked him. It’s a movie that will make you feel good . It’s extremely well cast and the acting is excellent. I give it four stars. The second one, “Take the Lead” stars Anthony Banderas, a ball room dancing instructor who goes into an inner city school. I give it three stars. Both of them are predictable but well done.

Just finished Einstein last night. It was excellent. I knew absolutely nothing about Einstein before reading this book and was surprised to learn he was not only a genius physicist, he was also a huge political force throughout the world. I certainly would not agree with most of his political views, or any of his religious or moral conclusions. He had a child out of wedlock that he never saw (his choice) and he was unfaithful to both of his wives. Speaking of his first wife to his lover, he said: “I treat my wife as an employee I cannot fire.”

Jewish by nationality, he did possess “a profound reverence for the harmony and beauty of what he called the mind of God as it was expressed in the creation of the universe and its laws.” His life quest for a “Unified Field Theory” was based on his belief that God was not sitting in heaven “rolling the dice” thus allowing personal or world events to be random or undetermined. Unfortunately, there is no mention whatsoever in the entire book of Jesus. In his own words, Einstein was a “deeply religious nonbeliever.” 

On the flip side, I found myself thinking I would really have liked him as a person. He was a warm, funny, almost grandfatherly man, the typical absent minded professor but very interested in helping people. He lived a very simple life - no fancy homes or cars; no gaudy displays of wealth or fame. His appearance was usually disheveled ; he was most noted for having an aversion to wearing socks.  

He was not at all afraid to get involved and speak out for what he believed. As a matter of fact, he was adamant, especially after he had obtained his measure of success, that it was his responsibility to speak out on behalf of all the young people who couldn’t be so vocal for fear of losing their careers. He held citizenship in five different countries at different times: Germany, Switzerland, Hungary, Austria and the U.S.  He saw the United States as a sanctuary for free speech and the consequent pursuit of creativity so even when he was severely criticized as a newly established citizen of the United States, he spoke and wrote tirelessly to assure those freedoms remained intact. He enjoyed his fame but unpopularity did not phase him when he thought he was right.

He was also quite the writer and public speaker. He’s quoted often in the book and humorous little statement like, “The result looked like a gift from the Devil’s grandmother” were part and parcel of him. (You’ll read a post on that in the future.) One example of the depth of his writing: “The angel had unveiled itself halfway in its magnificence, then on further unveiling a cloven hoof appeared and I ran away.” He was speaking of a project at which he’d worked but when problems arose, he quit and walked away. True to his era, he was an avid correspondent and letters he wrote to friends and family depict a deeply confident, well balanced individual bent on doing what he could to make the world a better place. How tragic he didn’t know Jesus; what an asset he would have been to the church of Christ.

Finding a good author is as exciting as reading a good book and Walter Isaacson is that. I’m anxious to order some of his other biographies soon (guess it will have to be audio or a computer download). For the moment, I’m enjoying the afterglow of a really good read. 

Moving Again 0

Our realtor called yesterday and said he had someone interested in looking at the house so I spent about an hour tidying things up - you know, putting stuff in drawers and sticking the hampers in the closets so it would look like no one really lives here. Trying to make the rooms look bigger than they actually are and attempting to hide all the flaws in the house, like the hole in the wall in the master bedroom bathroom. Look around your house sometime, imagining that you will soon show it to a perfect stranger seeing it for the first time, and you want them to be so impressed they will pay you big bucks to live in it. It changes your perspective.

At the same time there’s just something kinda creepy about having people look at all your stuff when you aren’t home. It sort of feels like an invasion of privacy. I stuck my jammies under the pillow; it just felt wrong for them to be seen hanging on the back of the bathroom door. And yesterday’s dishrag drying in the sink? Wasn’t bothering me, but way too personal for a stranger’s eyes.

It occurred to me while I was puttering around here that this will be the 7th time we’ve made a major move, the 10th place we will actually move out of. I was going to say the 10th house we will pack up but we aren’t planning on packing this one up. The big debate now is do we sell everything and start over in 5 years or do we try to keep a few items. I think we’re leaning towards getting rid of everything. All the experts tell us it won’t be worth much unless you find air conditioned storage and that could cost a lot of money, something we won’t have in abundance. And getting rid of everything doesn’t sound so bad, it even feels real spiritual, until you start going through stuff. Then you have to face issues like, “I was saving this bookcase for Tylan” and “the church in Springfield gave us this clock” or “we just bought this table and it cost $1,200.” That makes it a bit more difficult.

Since it’s too soon (and too hot) to organize a garage sale I started last night on the filing cabinet and closet in the office, knowing most of the papers would be tossed or shredded. What a trip down memory lane that was! I spent some time reading old cards (interesting that I have quite a few sweet sentimental cards from my daughter, a few less but still a good number of the same from my oldest son, and exactly 3 from my youngest son, but his are all very funny! One of them has an ugly looking Dr. Seuss type animal on the front hacking up something nasty). I also waded through a lot of articles, quotes, etc. I have cut out over the years and thrown in a “deal with later” pile. Interesting blog fodder for the future. Lots of memories in that filing cabinet including my Dad’s obituary and the paperwork from my infamous ATV accident. Funny how even if you only live in a house for a short time the memorabilia piles up.

Next I plan to figure out how to sell stuff on e-bay because I don’t think houses from the New EnglandVillage series and Texaco collector’s planes will sell at a decent price in Brawley. I’m actually looking forward to learning how to do that.

We’ve adopted Travis’ motto for this move: “If I believe what I say I believe, all these things will not trouble me.” It will certainly be interesting to see how it all works out in the end, won’t it?